7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Habit 1: Be Proactive

 

Finally, the 2nd part of my series on Stephen Covey’s book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People“. It’s been too long in the making, but I’ve been busy with many other projects so I’ve had less time for Time Management HQ than I planned.

That may say something about my own time management skills, but let’s not go there just yet…

In the first installment of the series, “7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Part 1”  I introduced Covey’s highly successful book and summarized the basic paradigms which Covey considers to be the foundation of his work including the Inside Out approach which is so fundamental to Covey’s book.

This post will look at Habit 1: “Be Proactive” and as you will see it ties in very well with “Inside Out”.

Once mastered together with Habit 2: “Begin with the End in Mind” and Habit 3: “Put First Things First” being proactive will have you achieve your first Private Victories and moves you from Dependence to Independence in Covey’s model.

Covey starts the explanation of Habit 1 – Be Proactive with stressing the uniquely human ability of being able to reflect on yourself, your thoughts and your feelings in other words, the human self-awareness.

It is our self-awareness which sets us aside from animals and which allow human kind to move forward from generation to generation. It is our self-awareness through which we can evaluate and learn from our experiences and those of others. It is why we can make and break our habits.

And that is fundamental point, through our self-awareness we can improve ourselves if we choose to do so.
 
 
On the back of this Covey outlines three generally accepted theories for determinism or to put it in other words three reasons why things are the way they are. These theories are often combined, but in there pure form the explain life as follows:

• Genetic determinism says your grandparents did it to you. Your grandpa had a temper and so do you. Not your fault is it? It’s in your DNA and that’s that.

• Psychic determinism takes one step closes and basically says that it was your parents who did it to you. Your upbringing and your childhood basically made you who you are.

• Environmental determinism says it is your boos who is doing it to you right now, or if it’s not your boss, it is your husband or wife, or that terrible teenager. It that is not enough then it must be the terrible economic situation we’re in. heck it must be Obama’s fault.

Notice a common denominator in these deterministic theories? Whether genetic, psychic, or environmental, one thing is for sure, none of it is your fault! These theories are based on the concept that just like Pavlov’s dog we humans have been conditioned to respond to certain events in certain ways.

 

 

At this point in the book, Covey brings forward the story of Viktor Frankl. Frankl was a psychiatrist and a determinist in the best of Freud’s traditions. In his early days Frankl would have told you that your childhood shapes your character, your personality and essentially sets the limits and parameters of your life. Nothing you can do about it.

But, Frankl was also a Jew and during World War II he was imprisoned in the death camps of Nazi Germany.

There, his parents, his brother and his wife died. Except for his sister his entire family perished. Frankl himself was tortured and subjected to the most horrible and demeaning conditions. One day, naked and alone in a small room Frankl realized he still had “the last of the human freedoms”. The one freedom his Nazi guards could not take away. Frankl realized that whatever was done to him, he still had the freedom to decide how he would let this affect him. He still had the freedom to choose his response to what was being done to him.

Frankl discovered that between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose. And it is this choice by Frankl of how to respond to the events in his life, that brings Covey to his Proactive Model.

 

 

In Covey’s definition pro-activeness or proactivity is more than taking initiative. In his view, being proactive means accepting that as human beings we are fully responsible for our own lives. Our behavior and our actions are the result of our choices, not our conditions. We have a responsibility for how we choose to act and make things happen.

Responsibility or “response-ability”.

Looking at the word as response-ability that you will get a better understanding of what Covey’s means with the word responsibility. An ability to choose your response.

In Covey’s view highly proactive people recognize that responsibility. They do not blame their circumstances, conditions or conditioning for their behavior or actions. The behaviour and actions of proactive people are the result of their conscious choices based on their values rather than on their feelings or conditions.

On the other hand Covey describes reactive people as people who are often affected by their environment. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn’t the bad weather affects their performance and their attitude. Covey sees proactive people as people who carry their own weather with them.

Similarly, reactive people are affected by their social environment. When people are nice to them, treat them well, they feel well. If not, well, you get the picture.

As Gandhi said “They cannot take away our self respect, if we do not give it to them.” Or in the words of Eleanor Roosevelt “No one can hurt you without your consent.”

Covey is the first to recognize in his book that this view on being proactive, that you always have a choice, no matter how bad it gets, is very difficult to accept emotionally. Especially for those of us who get dealt very tough cards in our life; we know that life is not fair. But the whole point of Covey’s proactive model is that no matter what we do have a choice on how we respond to the events in our life. And most of us never have to face the horrors Frankl had to face in Nazi Germany before he realized that even he had a choice.

If you think about it, this is real powerful stuff.

Imagine what chances you could make in your life if you actually embraced the concept of proactivity.

A good way to see how proactive you are in your life is to look at the language you use when you talk to people or even when you’re just by yourself, thinking about your life:

 

Reactive Language	Proactive Language
There’s nothing I can do.	Let’s look at the alternatives.
That’s just the way I am.	I can choose a different approach.
He makes me so mad.	I control my own feelings.
They will never allow that.	I can create an effective presentation.
I have to do that.	I will choose an appropriate response.
I can’t.	I choose.
I must.	I prefer.
If only.	I will.

 

One more way to become more self aware of your proactivity is to look at where we focus our time and energy. The way Covey does this is to define a Circle of Concern, which basically reflects all the things in our life we are concerned about: our family, our health, our careers, the environment, the economic crisis, the national debt, the war on terror etc. If you look at this Circle of Concern there will be things within there that are not within our control and others that are within our direct control. This defines the Circle of Influence.

 

 

Now take some time to draw your own Circle of Concern, then think about how large your Circle of Influence is and add it to the diagram. Think about where you spend most of your time and energy. And be honest.

Proactive people spend most of their time and energy on issues within their Circle of Influence. Their approach is positive and eventually leads to their Circle of Influence growing. Reactive people on the other hand moan about things outside of their control and their negative energy combined with a lack of addressing things within their control means their Circle of Influence shrinks over time. And with that, they have even more reason to complain!

Here I would like to add something I have read elsewhere and that is the 10/90 rule of life, which says that 10% of things in your life are simply out of your control whether yo like it or not. Do not worry about this 10%, instead focus your energy on deciding on you respond to these relatively rare events in your life – they can be good or bad. But since they are out of your control, all you can do is to choose how you respond to them.

I’m not very religious, but still, I’d like to use the Alcoholics Anonymous that Covey highlights in his book:

 

“Lord, give me the courage to change the things which can and ought to be changed, the serenity to accept the things which cannot be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

 

Just remember though that with a proactive focus, you can change more than what you might initially think possible.

 
Thirty Day Challenge
Now, that you have read this, it is time to put it in practice with a Thirty Day Challenge. For thirty days embrace the principles of proactivity. Simply try it and see what happens. During 30 days work only in your Circle of Influence. Make small commitments and keep them. Be a model, not a judge. Be part of the solution, not the problem.

Try it in your marriage, in your job and in your family.

Let us know how it feels. Have things improved in your life after 30 days? Have people noticed a difference?